I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
