go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
