Im at strip club and am horny
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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