Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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