i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
