Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
