yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
