and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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