I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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