hotel room ftw
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
