Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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