Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
