I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
