Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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