Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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