Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My ass is underappreciated
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize