i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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