dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
