I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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