Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
