elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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