Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
