Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize