Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
