just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
