I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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