Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
