two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
