Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
