Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
