I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
