Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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