you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bad choice
Randomize
