He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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