I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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