There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
