she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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