Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
