Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
