last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
