a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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