Please, let me fuck your mom
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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