Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
