Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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