Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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