Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
