I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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