CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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