Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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