i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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