i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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