That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
