You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
