That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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