No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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