guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
