I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
