oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
