Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
