sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
