i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
