You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
