your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
