There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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