I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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