Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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