I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
