at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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