His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is Oprah even human
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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