I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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