Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
