i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down